With the holidays, my recent engagement (ahhh!) family and traveling I quickly became preoccupied with my immediate surroundings and lost the presence of the Lord inside and around me. The presence I am talking about can only be described as peaceful and reassuring. His presence is not visible or physical but I feel His wisdom and strength in me. When He is around I think a lot, about things greater than myself and pray for understanding of the big picture as much as I can. When my mind is focused on Him He soothes me in any stress or discomfort.
Throughout the past month I can't say I had really been in touch with Him. I went to bed so exhausted after all of the festivities I would forget to talk to Him. There was a clear distance looming between us and I felt afraid. I hadn't felt empty like that in a long time. I just got engaged for goodness sake, how could I feel so "off"? Well, it was because there is a large part of my heart (a bigger part than anyone else has) that can not be filled by my future husband. I do not live for my fiance', nor can he bring me strength and peace the way God can. Adam (for those who don't know is the man I am going to marry) is not the center of my universe. God IS and my whole world was thrown when I stepped away from Him.
My family was outside enjoying a bonfire and playing football on New Years Eve. It was dark and the sky was brilliant. We live on the bay and it was so still and clear that night. I looked out and saw the reflection of the stars in the water. I'm sure for some this sounds impossible, but I felt God tugging at me to leave and be by myself, near the water. It was almost like He was saying "come here, you and I need to talk." I went out to the very edge of my dock and looked up, and there He was. In all His glory, the bright stars and vast black sky was Him. He made everything that is beautiful and lovely and in those things is where I can feel Him the most. When I looked at the stars my first thought was "for anyone who thinks our existence was an accident, they need to look up. This universe and my life was no accident." The second thing I thought was "I'm sorry." I was sorry for neglecting my most treasured relationship. I was sorry for not trying to seek his eternal presence. I was sorry for not thanking God for the beautiful things He gives. My friend Abby calls the time I was having with God a "God moment". I can't explain my pure joy and contentment so we just label it "one of those moments".
It is a perfect and pure moment with my creator. It is a privilege to have, and I pray that everyone has a moment like I had with their maker.
